God if you are the Sun, then I want to be the Moon!
A favorite song writer/singer of mine, Phil Wickham, wrote a song called “Sun and Moon,” with these amazing words referring to God…"If you are the sun, then I want to be the moon,
I want to reflect the light that shines from you.”
These words conjure a depth of thinking within my soul that inspires yet drops me to my knees. I want to reflect God’s light, His goodness, His mercy and His love but some days it is really hard.
Taken back to that time of acute pain right after I found out about my husband’s betrayal in our marriage…I remember the struggle. I wanted to be a Christian one moment but then scream the next. This journal entry written a few weeks after disclosure reflects the insanity.
November 10th 2007
An ugly day.
The day played out like a bad hand, but rather than fold I kept right on playing.
Anger grew and ripened within me. I wrestled, stewed and fretted all day. An ugly feeling lingered on the edge of my mind as I tried to push back the nastiness. Finally like Mount St. Helens, I blew. Ugly doesn’t paint a grim enough picture.
Among many other things that should not have been said, I voiced how at I had been struggling with intense anger and sorrow all day to the point I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Then I admitted that I honestly did not think I could carry on in the marriage.
He did not argue.
I just caught a glimpse of myself as I walked by the mirror. My tear stained face, matted hair and puffy eyes are truly tragic in every sense of the word. I wonder who the fragile waif staring back at me is?
It's all so incredibly sad. ~
No matter what your betrayal, the depth of your anger today, or whether you have a marriage to restore or not, God has one commonality between all our life stories…He desires inner healing for each of us.